as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
