I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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