i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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