You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
