My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
they need to just BURY HIM!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
