so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
