thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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