i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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