Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize