she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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