i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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