Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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