seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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