I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize