ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just cropdusted the office
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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