I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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