you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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