There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
