How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
