Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
