it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I still have a little drunk in my system
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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