cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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