Quick, to the slutcave!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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