That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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