do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
