I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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