i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
