why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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