By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
