tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
