I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
