she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I still have a little drunk in my system
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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