I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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