Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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