Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Sorry my hands just texted you
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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