he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
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Slut skills are useful in every country.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
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So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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