you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
