i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
