you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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