Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
