Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
