this just has baby written all over it
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
