I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
