K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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