Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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