My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
