This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
