Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
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I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
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I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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