Only a mothe r could love this liver
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
