new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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