This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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