I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
