ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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