I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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