There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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