I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
