You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
