Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Vodka?
Forever.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
