Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
