Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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