So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
