just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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