the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Sorry my hands just texted you
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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